LYRICS:

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Fireside Chat I​

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Oh hello, I didn't see you there

Come, have a seat by the fire

Come closer

Oh come on, you can get a little closer, I won't bite

Okay, now that's too close

You always do this

Everyone's always talking about how you do this

But it's fine

It's not worth ruining Christmas over, even though you clearly want to

Anyways, it's been a while

​We've got some nice new songs for you here on The Jolly Christmas EP

We've got The Christmas Mash, a new way to rock out to Christmas times

We've got the Jingle Bells 2, a fresh, new take on the classic Jingle Bells

We've got Santa is Real, a reminder about his true and living presence that you can feel each and every day

And for you jews at home, don't think we forgot about you, we've got the Jewish Student Union Theme Song

So yeah, hope you enjoy the EP and have a Merry Christmas, or a Happy Hanukkah 

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Santa is Real

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Santa is real, working on presents

He knows when you're sleeping and when you're awake

Santa is real, writing the nice list

He can bring coal if you are naughty

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I worked at a toy factory in the North Pole not too long ago

A sled was being built by an old worker elf

He then raised his hands as everyone stood and said, Santa is real

A cold breeze over the snowy hill brought in the smell of candy canes from a nearby field

And a neighing of reindeer could be heard in the moment of silence

As the elf opened the nice list to read, a red nosed reindeer stood up, nose shining bright, and said, Mr. Elf, tell them that the naughty list is real too

You know that the names of those written on it are in the depths of Hell, the world where none are jolly

You know that those who receive coal are destined to Hell

 I know that Santa is real, for once I had a jolly home

I was loved and respected by the snowmen

I was looked upon as a leader in the North Pole

And then Santa left my life

I grew naughty and twisted

The snowmen turned against me

And finally I was placed on the naughty list

My elves took their path into a world of sin

Yes, Mr. Elf, it's sweet to know that the nice list is real

And that heaven is a real place where joy shall never end

But the naughty is real too

And sinner friend, if you're here today, Santa is real

And he will judge you

And Hell is a real place

A place of everlasting punishment

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Santa is real, working on presents

He knows when you're sleeping and when you're awake

Santa is real, writing the nice list

He can bring coal if you are naughty

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Jewish Student Union Theme Song

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Student Union

It's the Jewish Student Union

Student Union 

It's the Jewish Student Union

Student Union

It's the Jewish Student Union

Student Union

It's the Jewish Student Union

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Jingle Bells 2

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Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way (ha ha ha)

Bells on bobtails ring (ring!)

Making spirits bright (bright!)
What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight

Oooh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh, hey!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

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JACKSON

Bwooh! I didn't realize it was a full moon tonight.

I can feel myself... changing.

I have to leave.

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LARRY

Jackson! Are you in there?

(Knock, knock, knock)

Jackson! Jackson!

(Knock, knock, knock)

What's happening to you?
 

JACKSON

Larry! Get away from me! I'm gonna traaaansform!

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LARRY​

Jackson, you didn't show up for your dentists appointments so I came to see if you're okay.

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JACKSON

​Get away from me! I'm DANGEROUS! You always do this, Larry! You're just my dentist, why do you always try to play doctor and police my health?

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LARRY

Jackson, it's just that your diet's so unhealthy. You're getting rather big. It's like you're becoming... a monster.

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JACKSON

I AM NOT A MONSTER!! HBWAAHAHHHHHH!

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LARRY
Jackson! What have you become!?

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​JACKSON

Graaah! I'm a werewolf now!

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LARRY

My God! Those fangs! I can smell the cavities from here. I'm gonna have to replace your tooth with a silver fang and put you on a diet.

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JACKSON

NOOOOO!!!!!! I don't want to hurt you Larry, but I can't control myself.

(Crash!)

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LARRY
Ah!

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JACKSON

I need to get away into the woods!

Maybe I am a monster!

I need to get away from civilization...

Who am I kidding? I'm too hungry.

(sniff sniff sniff)

What could that smell be?

Could that be... WerewolfDonalds?

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I'll have one Weremeal, no make that two- no three Weremeals

I'll have a diet cup of blood, no make that regular blood, extra bloody

And one lamb, make it bleed

And you uh, you sound like quite the bite yourself, could I get a piece of your flesh?

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???

Uhh... alright. Crawl up to the next window please.

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JACKSON

I can't wait to rip into this delicious meal... Wha-LARRY!? Why are you working at WerewolfDonald's!?

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LARRY

Come on, Jackson! Did you really think that WerewolfDonald's was real? We all know there's only SadDonald's, DentistDonald's, BeachDonald's, and maybe more

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JACKSON

Why would you do this, Larry!? I'm so hungry!

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LARRY

Because I care about your health, Jackson.... No, because I care about you.

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JACKSON

Whaaaa???

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LARRY

Only true love's kiss can break the werewolves curse.
 

JACKSON

Larry, I've only ever thought of you as my dentist. Don't you think I'm a monster!?

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LARRY

No, Jackson. Beyond your sharp teeth, and your pointy ears, and your hairy body, and even before that- your massively obese weight, I always thought you were beautiful...

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JACKSON

Really!?

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LARRY

... On the inside.

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JACKSON

O-oh.

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(Making out + howling)

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Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way

Bells on bobtails ring

Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight

Oooh Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingles all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh, hey!

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh, hey!

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JACKSON
Wha! What happened? Was any of that real, or was I just dreaming?

But, Larry's in bed next to me

W-what's this in my mouth?

Is this... a silver tooth!?

I'M CHANGING!!!

WOOOBLOLLLOOBBOOBLLOOOHHH

B-back to my beautiful self.

I'm hungry. Larry, can we get something to eat?

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LARRY

Yes, Jackson. Let's go to DentistDonald's 

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JACKSON

As long as there's food!

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LARRY

Uhh, hmmm, we'll have three, no two, no make that one Dentistmeal

And give us two cups of fluoride, diet fluoride

And a side of mouthwash- just one, and I mean it this time

And you're looking pretty hygienic yourself, could I get your flossing routine?

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Dashing through the snow

In a one horse open sleigh

O'er the fields we go

Laughing all the way

Bells on bobtails ring (ring!)

Making spirits bright (bright!)

What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight

Ooh, Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight

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JACKSON

I can't do this!!

DentistDonald's!!??

It's-It's too little!!

It's not enough!!

I can't eat it!!

I'm so hungry!

I'm gonna- I'm gonna..

HWBWHBHWBHBHBAHHLLAAHHH

I'm gonna pluck this stupid silver tooth out!

BLAHAHHAHHH

I-I need food!

I'm- I'm transforming!

BHWWHWHAAAAHHWAHH

I-I'm still transforming!

I'm changing!

I'm becoming.... NegaJackson!

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Strolling through the snow

In a four horse open sleigh

Over the hills we trudge

Coughing all the way (cough, cough, my heart!)

Bells on bobtails ring (ring)

Making spirits dim (dim)

What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight

Jiggle bells, jiggle bells, jiggle all the way

Oh what fun it is to ride in a four horse open sleigh, hey!

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JACKSON

To be continued!

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The Christmas Mash

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I was sleighing in my sled, early one morn

When I realized that Christ was born

I followed the North Star into a barn

And was touched by Christ, my heart now warm

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They did the mash

They did the Christmas Mash

The Christmas Mash

It was a Christmas smash

They did the mash

It caught on in a flash

They did the mash

They did the Christmas Mash

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Don't touch the elf up on that shelf

Or Hell is where you'll find yourself

It will be the Christian Hell

Hell will not treat you well

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They did the mash

They did the Christmas Mash

The Christmas Mash

It was a Christmas smash

They did the mash

It caught on in a flash

They did the mash

They did the Christmas Mash

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I pray each night to jolly Saint Nick

For presents in my home, I hope they come quick

Santa deniers will go to Hell

It will be the Christian Hell

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Santa is real

Santa Claus is real

Santa is real

Santa Claus is real

Santa is real

Santa Claus is real

Santa is real

Santa Claus is real

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His belly is big, he wears a red hat

Some may say that he is fat

But I think he is a beautiful man

I love his pale skin that's slightly tan

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I love Santa

I love Santa 

I love Santa 

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

(One more time!)

I love Santa

I love Santa 

I love Santa 

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

(One more time!)

I love Santa

I love Santa 

I love Santa 

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

(One more time!)

I love Santa

I love Santa 

I love Santa 

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa

I love Santa Claus 

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Fireside Chat II

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Welcome back, I hope you enjoyed the EP

I see that you're sitting a reasonable distance away from me

You know, people always make up their own assumptions about you and say different things and offer many different opinions about you but I just like to stay neutral on the subject

I don't really think I should be picking sides

But anyways, we hope you enjoyed The Jolly Christmas EP here at The Pain, Killers family

At Santa is Real you heard about just how real Santa is

Not only about the nice list but about the naughty list too, and about where those who are on it end up

And you heard the JSU Theme Song for those Hanukkah goers at home... hope you have a Happy Hanukkah 

You also heard Jingle Bells 2, I wonder how Larry the Dentist is gonna get out of that one

Who do you think's gonna win? Larry or NegaJackson

Only time will tell

And oh boy, The Christmas Mash, what a lovely, lovely song 

Anyways, we'll be seeing you real soon

Speaking of soon, The Nautical Album is coming out soon

The release date for The Nautical Album is: Real Soon

We've got great songs on it like I am a Fish and others

Speaking of future releases, on the upcoming horizon we've also got a release of the fight between Larry the Dentist and NegaJackson

You won't want to miss it

We've also got our first collaboration with Brody Bogdan

Look out for Brody Bogdan and the Holy Promise

And for you rap fans, get ready for The Revenge of the Pain EP

Let's see uh, what's going on right now in the world

Freed siblings discover mother murdered, father missing

This is truly heartbreaking

I can't believe that something like this could happen

Alarming stats show the reality of Palestinians detained by Israel

Oh man, I really hope that war ends soon

It's terrible for both sides

One of three Palestinian students shot in Vermont may never walk again after bullet hit his spine, Mother says

Wow, that is horrible 

I uhh, don't know what to say about that

Anyways, a viral $16 McDonald's meal won't go away, and that's a problem for the Democrats

I uhh, don't see what that has to do with the Democrats but anyways

On Christmas news, Elf production is up 80% and Santa Claus is on his way

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas

Or a Happy Hanukkah

Heh-- Goodbye (goodbye, goodbye)

 

Ahem, are they gone?  

We're done?

Okay

This is worse than I thought

NegaJackson, he's too powerful

We're gonna need to find the particle accelerator

Get Bill Clinton on the line, right now!

Tell him we need special forces

Tell him we need... Bible Man

(I AM BIBLE MAN)